These Broken Vases

My People

2012-02-06T13:00:00.008-06:00

I sat at the edge of my seat in the large arena. Of all the sessions we had attended during the conference, this was the event I had been looking forward to. The black stage at the center stood high, shining lights with hues of red, blue, yellow and white. Music played softly. The president of the Missionary Alliance Church invited the international workers to come forward, and begin the “Parade of the Nations.”

From around the arena, men, women, and children began to walk around the stage and through the aisles. They gracefully held on to the flags that represented the countries they had come to call their home, and they wore clothes that identified them with those nations. Dozens and dozens of flags and people marched around amongst the rest of us. Such a large arena. So many aisles. It seemed dozens were not enough. Yet, it was humbling to see the people who had given their lives and followed the call to go to the ends of the world.

The music stopped and so did the workers. Then Gary Benedict, from the stage, teased, “Come on, that was unimpressive! Let’s see a real parade!”

The flags, along with the music, continued to move. Mexico, Brazil, China, Ukraine, Uganda. Country after country walked by. Retired missionaries, new missionaries, those waiting to go; all of them taking up their flags. More dozens, then a hundred, two hundred. Families marching around with their small children and babies in their arms. More and more international workers joining the parade. The arena, large and airy, was full. There were no open spaces, only people, only flags.

I was overwhelmed, in awe, watching intently as flags danced before me. I could not contain my tears.

Will you go?

The words startled me.

Will you go?

Tears ran freely.

Yes, Lord. If you send me, I will go.

More tears.

I will send you to the ones the world sees as less than perfect. I will send you to a people group that has been unloved. I will send you to your own people. Will you go?

I was weeping.

Yes Lord, here I am. Send me.

Shortly after returning home from the conference, Andy and I began the process of becoming missionaries. We both received God’s message and we were convinced that meant Mexico: my home, my own people. We would be involved with ministry to the poor, the unlovable ones, those that the world sees as less than perfect.

That summer, Andy led a short-term missions trip to Ensenada. I was greatly pregnant with Nichole but I came along anyway as a great opportunity to dip my toes in what our future would be like. We served the poor, building them homes, working with their kids, offering hope. My own people, the ones I had seen as less than me. Those I never cared to look at in the eye or acknowledge as people. This time, I came to them with humility, recognizing that we were all the same, and we all had much to offer one another. I fell in love with the Mexicans for the first time, and recognized that I had been one of them all along. While that experience was beautiful and redeeming to my heart, I was frustrated.

Lord, I can’t hear you. I am questioning if this is what you really want for our family. I do not feel a burning passion for missions, my heart is not overflowing, I do not feel as if this is it. Why won’t you speak to me?

When Nichole was born, we stepped back from the missionary process. The fact that Nichole had Down syndrome and so did the Children’s Pastor’s daughter was clearly not a coincidence. It was God ordained. I began to look at the “job description” God had given me, and recognized that God had not affirmed my thoughts of Mexico because that was not what He meant. I realized the “call” was to a different people group, the Down syndrome community. The world does look at people with Down syndrome as less than perfect, and through my own daughter, they had become my people.

We have a small little church, about 50 people. When Andy was asked to come here, we were told they needed someone to preach, lead worship, and someone comfortable around people with disabilities. It amazes me that in such a small church, at least 25% of our people have special needs, some disabilities are very “mild” and you would not know about it, while others are obvious.

I sat on the pew, listening to my husband preach about becoming a “Healing Community.”

Then I heard His voice once more.

These are your people.

Slowly, I looked around our church.

These are the ones the world sees as less than perfect. This is a people group that has been unloved. Because of the children I have given to you, these are your own people.

Nichole’s beautiful life led us to adopt Nina, and for reasons only God knew at the time, we adopted a child with Cerebral palsy, although I really wanted to adopt a little boy with Down syndrome. Yet, for the first time, the significance of the events that took place at the Conference became so clear that I fought the tears that threatened to burst from deep inside of me. Almost 5 years ago I had The Dream, where God made it known to me that Nichole would be born with Down syndrome. Two days after "The Dream," God called me to go to those that the world sees as less than perfect , to my own people, during the Parade of the Nations. Then 2 years ago, we adopted Nina.

Oh Lord, you called me to go to those that the world sees as less than perfect, the broken ones. Now I hear you again. This is the mission I have from you. So here I am Lord, use me!

I have a burning passion to see the church embrace people with disabilities. Although they might seem broken, they instead show us the brokenness of our own hearts. Our churches need them, we all need them. There is great freedom and beauty when we find ourselves surrounded by a group of people that loves unconditionally, gives freely, and worships with no restrain. It allows the rest of us to do the same as we look at them and learn from them how to come before the Lord. We can come as we are, with no pretense, no holding back, just us, with all our brokenness and garbage. What a beautiful Healing Community we can become, what great beauty is found in the middle of those with disabilities, among my people.

Linked to:
A Handful of Heart
The Better Mom
A Holy Experience
On, In, and Around Mondays
No Ordinary Blog Hop
Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday
Playdates With God

On Your Heart Tuesday
Soli Deo Gloria
Teach Me Tuesday
Titus Tuesday

A Man With Down Syndrome Shares His Testimony

2012-02-03T21:26:00.000-06:00

I came across this video thanks to one of my on-line friends. Ryan is a young adult with Down syndrome. He went on a missions trip to Peru and he inspired and offered hope to so many!

Enjoy!

Blogging Awards? Sharing the Blog Love!

2012-02-02T13:02:00.001-06:00

I didn't know there was such a thing as "blog awards." Did you know that? So how fun to receive an award!

Kelly from Ahimsa Mama nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. Thanks Kelly! Kelly is in my writing class and she is a great writer! She always leaves me wanting to read more.

And Sarah from Moments of Exhilaration nominated me for...either the Versatile Blog Award or the 7X7 Award. Ha! I don't even know! Sarah has really challenged me to write with integrity, no holding back, no pretending, but being real.

Recipients of this award are asked to:

Thank the person that nominated their blog for the award with a backlink to them.
List 7 things about themselves.
Award 15 newly discovered blogs with the award and notify them of the award.

Seven things about myself:

1. I am originally from Mexico and Spanish is my first language. Which by default, means that English is my second language. At least, it used to be! I don't have anyone to speak Spanish with and most of my thoughts, writing, and dreaming happen in English now. My mom and sisters like to make fun of me when I speak Spanish now.

2. I do not know how to cook anything Mexican, just in case you were wondering about that.

3. I LOVE nutella.

4. Before I had Nichole (my daughter with Down syndrome) a friend of mine shared with me she had a dream of having a special needs ministry at our church, specifically, a VBS for kids with special needs. I told her it was a great idea, but I thought at the time "I probably would not be a part of it, special needs is just not my thing." Ha! One more time....HA! I am so very passionate about this now!

5. I said when I was younger I would never marry a pastor. Ha! Again!

6. My favorite snack is a nice tray of cream-cheese stuffed jalapeno poppers.

7. Currently, I am watching the show "Monk" and I love it!

So I am sharing the blog love and nominating other bloggers:

Gillian from Pocket Lint. Another pastor's wife that does not pretend to have it all together. Her honesty will refresh you!

Marnie from Greene Parenting. My favorite when it comes to talking openly about adoption. And she has such a witty sense of humor you will love her!

Beck from Beck Far From Home. Yet another pastor's wife. She has an incredible heart and I am sure her words will bless you.

Jessica from Our Family For His Glory. I have known Jessica since we were in college and she really is amazing! What you read is who she is, and she is a great mom that has her priorities straight. She is not perfect but she is doing the best she can and I hope to be like her someday.

Joy from Joy In This Journey. I recently discovered her blog and I love that she is not afraid to write about what is "messy." There is something about being authentic, isn't it?

Kasey from These Five Of Mine. She writes beautiful devotionals and inspirational pieces. I have asked her to blog post for me some time!

Bethany from Our Perfectly Imperfect Life. She has 2 girls with Down syndrome and she is an incredible photographer. Do I need to say more?

Jolene Philo from Different Dream for My Child. Jolene is a champion for all of us that have children with special needs. It is not only her books but her blog that offers so much to us parents as we navigate the world of disability. I am a huge fan of Jolene!

Glenn Myers from Deep Wells. Glenn is also an author, I will be sharing his book "Seeking Spiritual Intimacy" with you soon. Glenn was one of our college professors, his classes were always my favorite ones. He is also my husband's friend and mentor, a second father to him. I would encourage you to visit his blog, you will find how to seek spiritual intimacy, you will be moved, challenged, and encouraged.

John Stumbo from John Stumbo's Blog: An Honest Look Into a Mysterious Journey. I am not just saying this is a blog you should visit because this is my husband's uncle. John has wrestled with God, really. Have you ever wondered why God has allowed something bad to happen in your life? Why God will not offer healing the way you expect Him to? "God is in this, and God is good"

So take some time and visit these blogs. Great stuff.

Who Will Win Today? and CP Connection # 3

2012-02-01T00:16:00.001-06:00

Who will win today? This is a question I started asking Nina. Is Nina going to win, or will Cerebral Palsy win?

It is like Nina is in a boxing match against her CP. She swings her little arms hoping to punch her CP, but sometimes CP comes at her with a fierce vengeance that knocks her down.

Nina started walking with no braces, just her bare feet. This is really great progress, it means she is getting stronger and balancing better. Without her braces her left foot pops up and she walks on her toes, but she is walking, and that is always good! Actually, it is great!

The puzzling part is when she does great and the next day she just cannot do it. She gives up, she believes it is too hard, even if she has done it 10 times before. So, in an effort to try to encourage her, this is an example of a conversation we might have:

Me: Who is in charge of your body? Cerebral Palsy, or Nina?
Nina: I don't know.
Me: Can Cerebral Palsy walk?
Nina: No
Me: Can Nina walk?
Nina: Yes!
Me: So who wins, Cerebral Palsy or Nina?
Nina: Me! I can walk!
Me: Yes! And Cerebral Palsy cannot stop you from walking! It tries to stop you, but it can't! We are beating Cerebral palsy, we are winning! We are showing it who is the boss of you!
Nina: I am the boss of me!
Me: So every time Cerebral Palsy wants to stop you from doing something, you need to show it who the boss is!

I am not sure how this approach will work, but the more we can get her to take ownership of her abilities, the better and better she will do. We don't want CP to be something she sees as her "enemy" but we also do not want her to be beaten by her disability. She can do anything she sets her mind to, and slowly, we are making progress. So the last few days as Nina has been taking independent steps without her leg braces, it is encouraging to see that. Slowly, slowly, she is showing Cerebral Palsy who is the boss of her body!

I would love to hear from young adults and adults with Cerebral palsy. is this an okay approach? I do not want her to be resentful of her CP, but I want her to take ownership of her abilities. What would you advice?

Linking up? Don't forget to link to a specific post and not your entire blog. If you visit the other blogs, maybe you can leave a comment and let them know you stopped by. And don't forget to add the blog button so you can link back here. You can always click HERE for a more detailed scoop.

Calling All Cerebral Palsy Bloggers February 1st

2012-01-31T14:22:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, February 1st, will be our third CP Connection. In an effort to connect our Cerebral Palsy community through blogging, we link up with a blog post the first day of every month.

Who links up?
Anyone that blogs about Cerebral Palsy. Do you have a child with CP? Are you an adult with CP? We would love to have you join in and share one of your blog posts with us!

What should I blog about?
It doesn't matter what your blog post is about, as long as it has something to do with Cerebral Palsy.

Do I need to write a new blog post every time there is a link up?
You can if you want, or you can link up any blog post you have written in the past.

What are the rules?
1. Write a blog post.
2. Add the "CP Connection" button at the end of your post (so that it links back to the other blogs and we are all together in one place) The button code is on the right side-bar.
3. Link-up your post (not your blog site, but the specific post)
4. Visit the other blogs and if you have the time, leave a comment on their post.

HERE is a more detailed post with the scoop on how this works.

Hope to see you link up tomorrow and spread the word!

Will She?

2012-01-30T12:58:00.000-06:00

The moment Nichole came out of me, I knew she had Down syndrome. Within seconds, a tide of questions inundated me as I pictured Nichole's future:

-Will she ever get married?

-Will she have a job?

-Will she live with us forever?

-Will she have friends?

-Will she go to college?

-Will she have hobbies?

-Will she play any sports?

-Will she learn how to play any instruments?

The thing is, those questions and thoughts never really crossed my mind when Ellie was born. At least not the same day she was born! Yet, with Nichole, those were the questions I was dealing with the same day of her birth. The expectations and the normal ways of life all of a sudden did not seem to apply.

Funny how Nichole can grab a little guitar and show me that she will do whatever she sets her mind to.

You wonder what my life can look like mom? Here is a little glimpse. Picture me at church leading people in worship, showing them what a pure hearts looks like before the Lord.

Okay, maybe Nichole is not thinking all of that, but she is showing us that we can dream big. This little girl is not going to let us limit her, because she has so much potential, so much to offer, so much to give!

So here she is, my little girl with Down syndrome giving me the best guitar concerts I have seen while she pretends. And who knows! Maybe some day, she will actually be helping her daddy lead worship!

Linked to:

A Handful of Heart

A Holy Experience

No Ordinary Blog Hop

On, In and Around Mondays

Responding to Your Comments # 5

2012-01-29T21:36:00.000-06:00

Blog Post: What To Say/Not To Say When your Friend's Baby Has Down Syndrome

Bottom line is that most people mean well even if their responses are somewhat awkward. They'll become more informed over the coming years as they get to know our beautiful children who happen to have a spare chromosome.
You are absolutely right. Most people are trying to show support. This is why we are all learning together.

I'm not sure if you waded through all the comments on Aaron Shust's blog.
Yes I did. Actually, that was the reasons I decided this was a timely post. Which such a recognized christian figure, and with so many people offering support, it was clear to me who had kids with Down syndrome and who didn't! Again, people are well meaning, but some things are hard to hear.

We were offered an abortion because my numbers were borderline. (20 years ago)I guess it was the law, but I was hurt and insulted!
It is sad that not much has changed. I do wish that there was a better understanding in the medical community about what Down syndrome is like besides the medical issues.

I grew up with a girl with Down Syndrome. We went to (public) school together most of our childhood. I took swimming lessons at her parents' pool and spent a lot of time there. I knew she was different in some ways, but we grew up together and that was a gift. I learned that it was okay - normal - to include her in everyday activities and that she had a lot to contribute.
That is exactly it, they have so much to contribute!

It's always hard to say the right things in awkward situations, but it helps when we can share our experiences with others. I struggled with infertility for almost 9 years and it was hurtful to get comments from friends and even family who meant well, but just didn't know any better.
What a great story to share! Would you consider doing a guest post for "These Broken Vases" about this topic?

I think so often our desire to say something, anything, wins out over just keeping our mouth shut! When my son was diagnosed with autism the comments left me absolutely speechless and heartbroken. I'm sorry; how devastating for you; special needs kids can do so much now, yesterday I saw a child with DS working at Walmart...I would rather hear someone talk about how God made these babies with a PURPOSE!
I love that word...purpose! God does indeed have a purpose for our special children! I am so thankful for how my daughter has changed my life!

Blog Post: These Broken vases: Finding Beauty In Unexpected Places

I just changed over to a new format and got my own domain. I get it!
Tell me more about getting your own domain. How did that go with your old blog posts? With your old links?
What is the best way to respond to comments? I could go on and on with questions! Ha!
I am learning more about blogging. Slowly but surely!

Don't forget, February 1st will be our next Cerebral palsy Connection link-up! So if you blog about Cerebral palsy, don't forget to stop by on Wednesday!

These Broken Vases: Finding Beauty In Unexpected Places

2012-01-27T13:15:00.000-06:00

Were you looking for "Stumbo Family Story"? You are in the right place, this is it! There is just a new name and a new look. Let me tell you a little bit about this…

Why the change?

I took a writing class last Fall. A momoir class to be more specific. Wow! What an incredible learning process it was, not only from “learning the craft” but also for gaining perspective. Why do I write? Why do I blog? What is it that compels me to share my story with you? Why would you come here and read what I have to share?

I do not have it all together. In fact, I have come to look at myself as broken. Not in a, “I am broken, what shall I do!” sort of way. But rather “I am broken, and God is putting me together.” It is the living out of Psalm 139:23-24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

As a pastor’s wife, there was also something very powerful about taking a writing class with a group of women outside of my Christian circle. In this group, I found a level of honesty in the writing and sharing that it challenged me. Really challenged me. My new friend Sara Lind wrote a post in her blog: Moments of Exhilaration, shortly after the class was over. This is an excerpt of what she said:

The truth is powerful. And often uncomfortable. Sometimes too uncomfortable. But you have to face those uncomfortable truths and you have to write them, both for your own sake and because you owe it to your reader. And you have to tell the whole truth. Because only half a truth isn’t really the truth at all.

If I tell you that being a mother sometimes makes me angry, but I don’t tell you that once at 3:00 a.m. I slammed the door so hard I broke the door jamb, or that one morning when she wouldn’t go back to sleep after 5:00 a.m. for weeks in a row, I ripped the curtain off the curtain rod, or that sometimes I have to dig my nails into my palm so hard it leaves marks, just to stop myself from doing something worse – if I don’t tell you those things I haven’t told you the truth. And you might think: “ok, she gets angry, but I’m sure she doesn’t get as angry as I do. I must be the only mom who ever feels this way.” And then my attempt to connect with you might just leave you feeling more lonely than ever.

These uncomfortable truths are what draw people in, what make them want to hear more. It’s what makes us feel like we’re not alone, in parenthood or in life. As writers we need to tell those truths, more than anything else. So I will, always, strive to tell the truth here. It is, after all, why I write.

And this is why I want to write too. I wrestled with Nichole’s diagnosis, I have struggled to find beauty in adoption, and I find it boring to be a stay-at-home mom many times, I have even shaken my fist at God in defiance, I have felt abandoned by Him. All that comes from places of brokenness. I am a pastor’s wife, but I am also a broken woman, allowing God to put the pieces back together into something beautiful.

If you have been reading this blog for some time now, you know that this is one of my favorite quotes:

"Christ is building his kingdom with the broken things of earth. People desire only the strong, successful, victorious, and unbroken things in life to build their kingdoms, but God is the God of the unsuccessful – the God of those who have failed. Heaven is being filled with earth’s broken lives, and there is no “bruised reed” (Isa. 42:3) that Christ cannot take and restore to a glorious place of blessing and beauty. He can take a life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it a harp whose music will be total praise. He can lift earth’s saddest failure up to heaven’s glory." J.R. Miller

What will you find?

Here is the heart behind the new name:

These Broken Vases: Finding Beauty in Unexpected Places

When my second daughter was born with Down syndrome, she challenged what I viewed as perfect, worthy, important, and valuable in life. I had received her as a broken baby, only to quickly recognize that I was the broken one. The treasures I have discovered along the way are not found in strength, performance, eloquence, character or confidence. They are found in brokenness, where beauty is found unexpectedly as a result of God’s love and compassion transforming my life. My life is like a broken vase and I offer the pieces to God, trusting that He will take them and use them regardless of my brokenness.

As I write my story of life, marriage, parenting, special needs, and adoption, I present them to you as they are – broken vases – and share how I find beauty in unexpected places.

Winter Adrenaline!

2012-01-21T11:38:00.000-06:00

Snowy roads quickly give way to winter adrenaline kicking in! Today, my right leg is still feeling the effects of yesterday's adventure...

We finally got snow around here. I use "finally" as a loose term because I am from Mexico, and my Latin blood will never be a fan of cold and of snow. I don't care if it is beautiful when it first falls, there are so many other beautiful things, like for example, cars without rust, no shoveling, no frostbite, no extra gear of boots and coats and scarfs and hats, no slippery roads, no puddles in your garage due to black dirty snow on your car, conservation of energy! I mean, it is really expensive to heat up your house during the winter without having to deal with the layer of ice that makes it even colder. Colder!

The following is my personal recount of yesterday's happenings as I attempted to drive up a snow-covered hill. This may be, or may not be, a dramatized version of the actual events that took place.

I left early from meeting with a friend to go pick up the girls, knowing it would take more time to drive through the snow.

"Hopefully I won't get stuck on that hill on my way to school!" I joked with her.

The roads were rough, the kind that you need to start slowing down a good distance before you really have to stop in fear of sliding. I approached the big hill, I could see it in the distance...

Oh boy, I better get some momentum going or I won't make it for real.

I hit the gas in anticipation of the climb.

I am going to make it.

A car backs out their driveway.

No! I am going to have to slow down!

Sure enough, the car, freshly joining the wintery mix of the road, is stuck! Their wheels are spinning, turning, spitting snow in all directions, barely moving. Stuck! As I begin to climb the hill, I have to slow down.

Come on, come on! You can do it, you can do it little car!

But the car is struggling, and I have to slow down to an almost stop. Little car is stuck, and on the side of the road, where it looks as if it was parked, another car is trying to get up the hill.

Finally, little car begins to slowly creep up. I see my chance return, I hit the gas.

Oh boy.

At this point, little car in front of me finally kicks it and takes off!

I hit the gas again, now we can move on. But wait...now my wheels are spinning, my wheels are spitting snow, I am stuck too!

Okay, here we go!

This is where the adrenaline kicks in, and please forgive me as I do have great imagination...

Come on van, come on! Let's go up the hill. We can do this together, come on!

I hit the gas with determination, pumping it, hoping it will eventually "kick it!" I am stuck! I consider moving to the side of the road and letting the black SUV get by me, as they seem perfectly in control of their car. But I am so stuck in the road my car will not go anywhere!

No need to panic Ellen, they understand, they can see you are in trouble.

Wheels are spinning, I am gaining ground mere inches at a time. Rocking, rocking, creeping up that hill.

Come on you big black bull (I am referring to the black SUV) give me a little nudge here, I won't mind, help me up the hill.

But he doesn't help me.

Okay then. Come on Jesus, send me your Angel AAA to push me up this hill!

I am pumping that gas, and I realize the adrenaline of the moment is making my leg shake because I am so tense! And I mean so tense!

Then I picture it, a couple of angels behind the van pushing me up the hill.

There we go, keep pushing, keep pushing, we can do this, we can do this!

I am pumping the gas, we are creeping up. We pass the car stuck on the side of the road with the spinning wheels.

When I am done here, send those angels back to help that guy.

We creep up, slowly.

Then the van kicks it, and we come unglued!

Thank you Jesus!

I get to the girl's school about 3 minutes early, but I am full of adrenaline still, feeling like I am shaking. I park in the teacher's parking lot because of Nina and because that is where the handicap spot is.

I jump out of my car with my scrapper, and start attacking the teacher's cars. The snow is piled high on those windshields and windows, but I got a little something extra pumping through me. In 3 minutes I clear 4 cars, then I see Nina and Ellie come out the door.

By the time we are home, I realize my right leg is sore and I feel like I got the workout of my life!

This winter adrenaline...I don't think Mexican girls know how to deal with it!

Photo Credit

Meet Anya: Another Adoption!

2012-01-18T21:27:00.000-06:00

See this cute little girl? This is Anya! This precious princess is 4 years old and she is in Bulgaria. She has Down syndrome and is just a few months older than Nichole. Don't you just love her?

Oh yeah, by the way, we are not adopting her, our dear friends the Loraine's are! Ha! What, did you think I was talking about us? Well, I had to do something to get your attention!

The Loraine family adopted Nina's best friend from the orphanage in Ukraine. The connection that our daughters share brought our families together. Erin and I have been talking since before they began their journey to Ukraine and get Oksana. Last July ,we got to meet face-to-face for the first time and last Thanksgiving their family came over to spend a week with us. The Loraines have become dear friends of ours.

They are adopting again, and they just received an amazing matching grant through LifeSong for Orphans. The grant is for $4000, but they need to raise the other $4000 by March 13.

Here are the details of the grant:
100% of all donations go towards our grant unless paypal is used in which case 2-3 percent are taken out for fees. Donations are tax deductible and can be made by a check made out to Lifesong for Orphans with a memo that says "preference Loraine #2473 adoption" and sent to

Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744

Or donations can be made online through paypal at http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html with the same memo under "purpose" by the dollar amount.

You can visit their blog HERE.

If you can't give, you can pray!

Will you consider helping out our friends?

What To Say/Not To Say When Your Friend's Baby Has Down Syndrome

2012-01-17T13:27:00.000-06:00

Down syndrome is the most common genetic variation present in the womb. Sure, there are other genetic conditions, but Down syndrome is the most common condition. This is the reason why it is one of the prenatal tests most commonly available and offered to expectant mothers.

Over 6 years ago, our dear friends received their first-born daughter into the world, and she was born with Down syndrome. This is where I wish I could tell you that I knew exactly what to say to them when Jennifer was born, but I did not! In fact, I turned out to be a lousy friend. At first, I avoided to talk about it with them because I did not know what to say. Later, when I finally said something, well… I probably should have kept my mouth closed! Fast-forward 2 years after Jennifer’s birth, and our daughter Nichole was born with Down syndrome. You can read about that story HERE.

Now, I do want to point out here, that every person is different. Our personalities, our outlook in life, and our backgrounds do affect the way we handle and perceive things. The most devastating comment I received came from a parent of a child with Down syndrome. This was the exact same comment that was the most encouraging and uplifting to our friends. As you can see, there is no magic formula to know what to say or not to say. However, there are some statements that are better not said, as well as some encouraging words that can be shared.

Don’t say:

-God gives special children to special parents.

First of all, this is not true. We are most likely struggling inside trying to make sense of what just happened and this comment puts on a lot of pressure and high expectations. We do not have more love, acceptance, or compassion compared to the family that just gave birth a room away from our own.

-I am sorry.

It is okay for you to feel sorry; you probably don’t know much about what it is like to have a child with Down syndrome. Hey, I felt sorry when I had Nichole because I knew so little about it! However, to hear other people say it was devastating. It reassured me that this indeed was really, really bad. What is most important, as I look back to those feelings, I can tell you there was nothing to be sad about. Be sad that Nichole had a heart condition? That is different. Be sad that her liver seemed to be failing? That is different. But sad that she has Down syndrome? No, not at all! On the contrary, there is so much to celebrate!

-I will pray for God to heal your child.

This is a big one! Please do pray for healing of medical conditions. However, do not pray for God to heal a child from Down syndrome. My daughter with Down syndrome was sick due to a liver condition, God helped her body work properly and we have never had to deal with this again. Down syndrome is not a disease, it is not an illness, it is a genetic condition. Genetics determine the color of our eyes, our hair, what our nose looks like, the size of our ears, how tall we will be. People are not “sick” with Down syndrome any more than you might be sick over your frizzy hair. God says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, he knitted us together in our mother’s womb, and His works are perfect. God does not make mistakes.

Do say:

-Congratulations!

Every life is worth celebrating.

-If it is a close friend, it is okay to ask, “How are you handling the diagnosis?”

-Tell the parents how beautiful their baby is! Babies with Down syndrome are some of the most beautiful babies! And they just melt in your arms.

-Treat and talk about your friend’s baby with Down syndrome the same way you would if the baby did not have Down syndrome.

-Say you are available if your friend needs to talk about anything. You can admit that you don’t know what to say, but you are available.

Edited to add: I am grateful for our friends that extended grace to me even as I said the wrong things. I hope that I have extended the same grace to comments that have been made to me. I cannot expect people to know what to say or have the same level of understanding that I do. So be assured, a true friend will not hold a comment made with good intentions against you! We are all learning together!

Do you have a child with Down syndrome? Is there something that was said to you that was inappropriate? Is there something that was encouraging? What do you wish someone had said to you, or what do you wish people had kept to themselves?

If you do not have a child with Down syndrome, I hope this is helpful to you. Really, when we say we love Down syndrome, we really mean it! I mean look at my little rascal up there, how could you not be smitten?

Linked to:
Soli Deo Gloria
Teach Me Tuesday
On Your Heat Tuesday
Titus Tuesday
No Ordinary Blog Hop
On, In, and Around Monday

Women Living Well
Word Filled Wednesday
Works for me Wednesday
Winsome Wednesday

A Girl With Autism Given a Voice

2012-01-15T20:49:00.000-06:00

I came across this video today. I was amazed and moved as I saw this precious young lady with autism find her voice. What an incredible story of perseverance, of courage, hope, and potential. This young lady is going to encourage so many people.

Responding to Your Comments #4...and a picture!

2012-01-14T21:57:00.000-06:00

My friend Melissa came to visit a couple of months ago with her camera. Melissa is a gifted photographer, speaker, and singer. She is involved in Children's ministry and helps churches figure out what is best for their programs.Yes, she is really amazing and she is beautiful. Also, she is single. So for you single men, Miss Mel is available, but you will have to pass many of her friend's approval first. Okay, that's that about Miss Mel. I forgot bout this picture until I saw it today as Andy's screen saver. I love this picture and I had to share!

On to your comments...

Blog post: Christmas Memories in Which...

In this post I asked about protecting your photos from being copied and stolen, and this are a couple of ideas:

There is an html code that you can add to the

There are really simple plugins that enable you to prevent people from copying text and images. It also disables right clicking.
Look in the add-ons section for "blog protector" or "disable right click" and you should find an add-on.

Let's pretend I am really not great with computer, and let's pretend I need step by step, clear, specific directions...okay, let's not pretend!

Blog post: My Favorite Posts of 2011

Wow, you have really had an amazing year!
Stopped by from Kasey's blog - she mentioned you today :-)

Thanks Kasey! Now it is my turn. Kasey writes beautiful devotionals and shares about what God is doing in her heart. Right now she is having a Kindle 3G giveaway! All you have to do is leave a comment on one of her posts for an entry. And for a second entry you just have to spread the word about the giveaway. Pretty sweet huh? Go check out her blog!

Blog post: Meant to be Together

As we are at the beginning of this journey, it is always reassuring to know that others have been where I am now and have lived to tell about it. :) Love is a process. And sometimes it is a difficult process.

Bless you for your honesty and obedience. We're usually called to those actions before we feel the happy, warm fuzzy feelings.

This is a courageous and needed post...
We've been down the adoption road twice and it is such. a. hard. road.
I love that this shares the process of growing love...to me that is even more beautiful.

The fact that I did not feel love for Nina for months after being home made me feel very guilty. Like something was wrong with me. The worst part, is that I felt so alone in the journey. I was afraid to tell other people how I really felt. But when I finally did, when I reached out to a friend that had adopted too, I realized that I was not alone. I was able to honestly share all that was inside of me, and God began to heal my heart. He grew that love! As I continued to talk to other adoptive parents, I came to refer to this as "adoption's greatest kept secret" and realize how common this is. Not for all, but some of us take time to get there. I also believe it is so important that we talk truthfully about our experiences so that we can reach out to other people that are going through the same situations we are too. If I do not share my struggles truthfully, how can I expect others to share truthfully with me?

Our newest little grandson (3 months) was born with Down's and he's a perfect addition to our family.

Congratulations! He will continue to bless your family. Yes, he is a perfect gift!

Blog post: CP Connection #2

We had our second CP Connection. Bloggers that write about Cerebral palsy coming together and sharing their lives. If you write about CP, have a child with CP, or are an adult with CP, please join us! Every first of the month we will be joining together and "blog hoping" to visit one another so we can learn. the link is open for the month. If you have not had a chance to visit the blogs that are linked, you can visit them now!

In Which...I Forgot

2012-01-12T12:35:00.000-06:00

On my last post I which I listed some Christmas memories, I mistakenly omitted some photos. Actually, I simply forgot I had more pictures until I downloaded the pictures into my laptop last night.

So here it goes, these are some more memories from Christmas time when Andy's family was here.

9. In which we went to the light display and it was awesome and it included a scene from Holland.

10. In which grandpa makes malts for the family (except the lady with the stomach flu, which would be me)

11. In which grandpa tells the greatest stories and the girls listen intently.

12. In which Nichole wants to lay on grandpa and grandma's bed to talk, play, and tickle.

Book Review: The Skin Map by Stephen Lawhead

2012-01-12T09:29:00.000-06:00

I will begin by giving you the book description from Thomas Nelson Publishers:

"I need your help with a project. It will be the adventure of a lifetime—of several lifetimes. But it will change you forever."

Kit Livingston's great-grandfather appears in a deserted alley during a tumultuous storm. He reveals an unbelievable story: ley lines throughout Britain are not merely the stuff of legend or the weekend hobby of deluded cranks—they're pathways to other worlds. To those who know how to use them, ley lines grant the ability to travel the multi-layered universe of which we ordinarily inhabit only a tiny part.

One explorer knew more than most. Braving every danger, he toured both time and space on voyages of heroic discovery. Ever on his guard, and fearful of becoming lost in the cosmos, he developed an intricate code—a roadmap of symbols—that he tattooed onto his own body. This Skin Map has since been lost in time. Now the race is on to recover all the pieces and discover its secrets.

The Bright Empires series is a unique blend of epic treasure hunt, ancient history, alternate realities, cutting-edge physics, philosophy, and mystery.

My husband is a fan of Stephen Lawhead. For years, when I have been looking for something to read, he has suggested I pick up one of Lawhead's books. When "The Skin Map" was given as a choice for a review, I figured if anything my husband would be glad to have it.

After one book, I believe I have become a fan.

About the author: Stephen Lawhead is a master storyteller. The way he uses words in his descriptions, dialogue and action are superb. I found myself reading some of his sentences twice, just for the pleasure of a well written sentence.

About the book: I don't think I could make this book enough justice, so here is a short, general overview.The story in itself is an engaging adventure. It takes place across time and dimensions. It offers nuggets of history and customs that are fascinating. More specifically, the good guys and bad guys are after the skin map in order to understand the intricacies of ley travel. While we see their stories unfold, we also learn about the man who was map and his journey.

About the characters: Ah! This is my favorite part about books, the characters! Our man, Kit, is not a hero. He is an insecure, directionless, bored young man trying to figure out what to do about life. When his great-grandfather, Cosimo, offers the adventure of a lifetime, Kit joins in yet continues to be a stand-bier. Kit's girlfriend, Mina, is a depressed, tired, unattractive woman who works as a baker. In Kit's desperate attempt to get Mina to believe his story of ley travel, Kit takes Mina to a ley line, where unfortunately, they are separated and land in different times and places. Contrary to Kit, Mina rises above her circumstances and well...I will not spoil the story for you. Kit and his companions are trying to find the skin map in order to find Mina, and what unfolds in between is an energizing adventure.

Lastly, I do believe this book would make a great movie! The story is strong, and the characters are simply outstanding!

So if you are looking for a fantasy/adventure book to read, grab "The Skin Map." It will not disappoint!

I received this book for free by Thomas Nelson publishing through the Booksneeze team in exchange for my honest review.

The Same Team (Recycled Post)

2012-01-11T11:13:00.000-06:00

Photo Credit

It has been a productive morning. The pile of dirty laundry is now a pile of clean laundry. The breakfast dishes have been loaded in the dishwasher, and dinner is cooking in the Crockpot. Even better, I took a shower and got dressed before noon.

While the girls play nicely in the living room, I pick up the phone to call a friend. “Hi Kezia, I was calling to ask about…” I hear a scream. I turn around and two of the girls are fighting over a toy. While the tug of war unfolds, Barbie, who has been “jumping” in her dance class with my third child accidentally pokes the eye of her owner. An unfortunate event that sends her into a high pitch cry. All of this happens in a matter of seconds.

“I will have to call you later” I hang up the phone.

By lunch time, two of the girls have been in the naughty corner a couple of times. One has been sent to her room, and I have heard the phrase “It is not fair” more times than I can count. I admit I have wanted to say those same words using my outside voice a couple of times too.

When my husband arrives home, it is evident that we have had a tiring couple of hours. I am presently warning one of the girls, “If you take that from your sister one more time, you will go back to the naughty corner!”

“What is going on?” he asks

“It is pretty obvious, don’t you think!” I snap at him. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they are unkind. With my attitude, I take my frustration on him and fight him too.

“Honey” he gently says, “We are on the same team.”

His words touch the chaos in my heart. I don’t have to fight. I am not alone in this parenting adventure, I have a team mate, a soul mate, and a friend.

I take a deep breath.

“We are on the same team” I repeat, “I need help on this one or I will scream”

He takes over with the girls, who are excited daddy is home for lunch, and after a few minutes they are happy rolling on the floor with daddy. In the kitchen, I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Later that day, when the girls go to bed, Andy and I sit down with a cup of decaffeinated coffee and talk about our day.

We talk about being in the same team.

Sometimes it is easy to allow the tensions of life to pull us apart. It is easier to “survive” a day, rather than live it. The truth is, when I am only surviving, I have little time to stop and “gather around” to play as a team.

When our girls see that mommy and daddy are united, that they are a team, they feel secure. Mommy is not snapping at daddy, but rather asking for backup. Mommy is not going at it alone, but has a strong partner beside her.

Sometimes team members get crabby, sometimes team members do not pull their part. But we are still a team, we still play together. If one of the girls asks for something, we respond, “What did mommy say?” or “What did daddy say?” We don’t challenge or diminish each other’s parenting styles in front of the children. When tension rises and we have to play hard, we stay as a team, and we try to work together. When things go well, we can celebrate.

We sip some more coffee and smile as we look back at the day. Some days are harder than other days, and some days I chose to go at it alone. Those are the days I feel defeated. But we played well today and our friendship is strengthened because we are on the same team.

Linked to:
No Ordinary Blog Hop
Women Living Well
Word Filled Wednesday
Works for me Wednesday
Winsome Wednesday
A Holy Experience
On Your Heart Tuesday
Soli Deo Gloria
Teach Me Tuesday

Christmas Memories In Which...

2012-01-09T19:25:00.000-06:00

It was a first for our family as we got to host Christmas with both my family, and Andy's family. We had a wonderful time. Times like this remind me that I wish our families lived closer.

These are some of my favorite memories:

1. In which we made gingerbread houses. My sisters helped Ellie and Nina and they turned our pretty cute.

Nina loved eating the frosting mostly, but Ellie had a great time being creative.

2. In which Ellie's gingerbread house turns out great. I spend hours peeling potatoes, resulting in several days where mashed potatoes were the main dish. My sister Luisa plays Andy's guitar. The newlyweds spend their first Christmas together.

3. In which Nichole was really excited when my mom and sisters arrived at our house; for hours, Nichole hugged, kissed, and played with my mom. The weather is so nice that my mom and step-dad went out for a walk. Nichole got "The Heffalump" movie and stuffed toy for Christmas, making it the best Christmas present.

4. In which my sister Luisa was the most popular girl in the house. Ellie thinks Luisa is the greatest human being in the universe.

5. In which I got to love on my girls.

6. In which our family spent time together. And we note that the men do not speak Spanish, so my mom, sisters, and I can talk behind their backs...if we wanted to.

7. In which Andy's parents and sister (with her family) came to celebrate Christmas during New Year's. When the girls get to play with cousins, and where we fought the stomach flu, so there were less pictures.

8. In which Nichole was too cute not to snap picture after picture of her.

What are your favorite Christmas memories?

And, do you know how to make your pictures so that nobody can click on them and copy them? Is there a better way to copyright them?

My Favorite Posts of 2011

2012-01-04T22:58:00.000-06:00

Photo Credit

Amazing how fast a year goes by, but then you look back and realize that much has happened. I would describe 2011 as a year of transition. It started with great discouragement as we were unsure what was next for our family (a process that had begun since September of 2010). In March we candidated at a church (my husband is a pastor, in case you didn't know) and we accepted the new position. Andy finished as the associate pastor in our former church in April, and a few days later Nina was having major spinal surgery. We moved in late May and the girls began school (all of them) in September. Throw in there trips, family gatherings, my sister's wedding, life and oh boy...that was a lot in such little time!

In light of that, I thought I would share my favorite posts from the year. You can click on the title and it will take you to the post.

January

Nina's Anniversary: This was after one year of Nina being home.

February

Becoming Your Child's Advocate: I still have much to learn about how to be an effective advocate for my girls, but more and more I learn how to do it appropriately and with good results, keeping the passion and emotion under control.

She Is Not a Baby, Treat Her Like a Big Girl: I have much to learn about Cerebral Palsy, but many times I am Nina's greatest challenge to overcome as I do too much for her.

Turning 30: What else can I say, my reflections on a "milestone" age.

March

Why Adopt a Child With Cerebral Palsy: Self explanatory

A Season of Lent: This is where I share my heart about wanting to live my life to honor God. it is not about Lent, but rather this relationship I have with my Savior, and how much more I want to know Him.

Down Syndrome Has Changed Me: This is a personal letter I wrote to my daughter Nichole.

What Did He Say?: Before her surgery, Nina took a class at the hospital to know what to expect. In this class she was given a stethoscope to play with and she listened intently. Nina shared with us the doctor and me what she had heard, her message from Jesus.

April

All of April is about Nina's Cerebral Palsy, her surgery, recovery, and such!

May

Adventures in Moving: Moving with 3 girls ages 5 and under, 2 of them with special needs, was quite the adventure!

June

The Same Team: One of my very favorites! It was a rejected article for a magazine but I still wanted to share it. it is about marriage and working together when you have little kids.

July

Nina's Best Friend: We got to meet Nina's bets friend from the orphanage, Oksana, and her family. They have become such dear friends!

August

We were transitioning in the new place.

Septemeber

The Brodys In This World: The story of a young man with Cerebral Palsy from our church.

Brody's Light: A touching follow up story to my first post about Brody and how he is sharing God's word.

Down Syndrome and Abortion: An honest post where I speak to the women that have had an abortion, and those considering one based on a diagnosis on Down syndrome. Possibly this post has been shared and read more than any other post or article I have ever written.

Could I Do More?: A common mothering question, but when you have children with special needs, this is an even greater "fear."

October

Road Marker 321: If you only read one post, read this one. I spent the month of October and most of November sharing about our journey as our daughter was born with Down syndrome. This is the first of 24 posts, the "prologue." And the most intimate piece of writing I have ever written.

November

Two Years Ago, Why We Adopted: Top 10 reasons why we adopted.

This Man: The love, respect, and admiration I have for my husband.

Why Moms Need Friends: Top 10 reasons why moms need friends.

December

Christmas, Presents, Lights, and All That Matters: Self-explanatory in top 10 style.

A Hope and a Future: What Nina's future holds because she has a family and is an orphan no more.

First Steps Take Courage: contrasting my 3 girls and what their first steps defined.

Live With Us Forever?: My take on the possibility of having my child with Down syndrome live with me forever.

Okay, I know that you won't click on every single link, but, did you have a favorite post here?

Also, do you have a favorite post from your blog? Share it with me so I can stop by and visit for a while!

Meant to Be Together

2012-01-03T14:10:00.000-06:00

It was past 8:00 pm on December 31^st 2009 when Nina and I landed in the Minneapolis airport. A wheelchair greeted us as a man held a sign that read “Stumbo.” His surprise showed as I placed a sleeping Nina on the wheelchair with no other explanation as of why a child would require the service, but rather a, “Get me out of here as quickly as you can please, I prefer running.” He could see in my eyes that I had been crying.

He didn’t run, but he did rush us through the airport straight to those blessed doors that led to baggage claim…and the rest of my family. I spotted Andy right away, but he was expecting us to come out the same doors the rest of my flight companions would be exiting from. I did not have the mind to think of what was socially acceptable, or what would be an embarrassing moment. I yelled his name and began running towards him, “Andy! Honey! I am here!” Running, and hoping that the man pushing Nina would follow me. Ellie saw me first and ran to me. We held tight as we said how much we had missed each other, how long 7 weeks had been. Andy walked with Nichole sleeping on his chest, but as soon as we embraced, we began sobbing. It had been a long emotional journey, the adoption process had been so hard, but we were finally together.

Nina woke up and sat scared on the wheelchair. All the people around her were strange and different. When we buckled her in the car seat she lost it, and her coping mechanism was to go into a deep sleep until the following day.

It was the morning of January 1^st2010 that we all woke up together. All 5 of us; a new year and a new beginning for our family. That was 2 years ago.

Two years.

Adoption was hard. Really hard.

Some people talk about meeting their adopted child and immediately falling in love. They talk about how they love them no different from their biological children, and how easy the transition was in becoming a family.

I did not immediately fall in love with Nina loving her the same as my other 2 girls, and our transition took a very long time.

We have worked very hard at building this love. She has been challenging and frustrating more times than I can count. We have tackled behaviors and emotional issues that have made me feel like the biggest failure of a mother and helpless. But we keep at it, we keep working, we keep trying, and we keep loving. She has taught me more about unconditional love than anyone else has in my lifetime.

Moreover, she has been delightful, tenacious, courageous, and strong!

And she has been my inspiration…more times than I can count too.

Two years.

She is my own. I am her mother, she is my daughter. We keep chugging along, tackling whatever comes our way. Whether it is bonding, walking, Cerebral Palsy, learning, or enjoying life. We keep at it, we keep on going.

One thing I know for sure after these 2 years: we were meant to be together, always were.

Linked to:
Soli Deo Gloria
Teach Me Tuesday
On Your Heart Tuesday
Titus Tuesday
No Ordinary Blog Hop
On, In, and Around Monday
Playdates

CP Connection #2

2011-12-31T15:34:00.000-06:00

With a New year, we are looking forward to some new exciting things for Nina. After her 6 month post-rhizotomy follow up at Mayo Clinic, we have some goals and lots of work to do. Hopefully we will get Nina back in private therapy because she needs it in order to accomplish these goals.

1. Nina will walk 20 feet independently with braces and shoes in 4 weeks.
2. Nina will ambulate with forearm crutches with contact guard assistance for 25 feet in 4 weeks.
3. Nina will transition from sit to stand independently from bench (90/90) in 3 weeks.
4. Nina will increase hamstring length to 35 degree popliteal angle.

Pretty exciting to think about, although 4 weeks sounds a little intimidating, but we will work hard to accomplish these goals. It would be great if her next gait analysis is done with her crutches and independent walking.

Some new 'toys" for Nina include:

Glasses: Nina has a new prescription and new glasses. We stayed with blue, because she likes blue glasses. She has such a small face that finding frames is difficult. But I think these are pretty cute. If you know of some good deals on bifocal glasses for kids, please share!

AFOs: Nina finally outgrew her first air of braces. These new friends of hers are pretty sweet, not only because they have butterflies, but do you see how they seem to be in an angle?

There is a plastic piece that connects the bottom and the top of the AFOs. This little plastic piece provides quite a bit of resistance, so when Nina stands, she has to really push and make her legs straight. When she takes a step, her toes come up, being pushed by that plastic piece in the AFO. This is making her take steps and make contact with her heel first...for the most at. We have never seen heel-toe steps, all we saw were toe steps or straight down, but never heel first. These AFOs are awesome!

There is a down side to these awesome AFO's. The extra little piece there that makes Nina step so well, also makes her braces very wide. So wide indeed, that we have not been able to find any shoes that go over them other than Crocs.

So here is a video of Nina walking with her new AFO's. If you pay close attention you will see there is heel first contact in her steps, especially her left.

Forearm crutches: And they are pink! Okay, they look salmon, but it is a shade of pink so we are happy. This was Nina the first time she held them. She was very nervous.

And here she is, practicing walking with the crutches. We have been told it takes 2-6 months to learn how to use them. I believe that!

Now it is your turn to join in the CP Connection. A few things to remember, make sure you add the CP connection button at the end of your post, that way we can all be "connected" in one place. Take some time to visit the other blogs and leave a comment if you are able to. You can click here and read the guidelines in how to connect.

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-19T13:27:00.000-06:00

May this Christmas season be filled with love and joy in your family. May you marvel at the gift of life we have through Jesus, and may you experience the abundance of His love.

"We will count our blessings and be thankful to the One that came to us, so that we could have life, and have it to the full. We will bask in His love, that has been poured to us, and we will give Him all the glory, for the richness we have in this life have come from His hands."

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14

See you all next year!

A Perfect Day

2011-12-18T21:01:00.000-06:00

According to Ellie, yesterday was a perfect day...

First, we played in the snow. We only had a sprinkle but the girls were so excited to go outside. Nichole lasted all but 5 minutes, she doe snot like the snow. Ellie and I had a snow fight, and she loved it. Nina just had fun being in the snow.

Then Ellie had her hair cut. She was growing it out to be like Rapunzel's, but the tangles and the time to brush and do her hair were driving her crazy. She decided she wanted it short. So that is what we did.

At home, we worked on making the yummiest treats for teachers and for our Awana party.

And that was our perfect day.

Initial Me a Gift...My Answers!

2011-12-17T17:32:00.000-06:00

Thanks for playing! This is what Andy and I came up with for your initials...

J. D. C. C.

Ellen: Just Daily Chocolate Cake
Andy: John Denver Christmas Carols

P. A. C.

Ellen: Plentiful Abundant Cash
Andy: Pork And Cheese

S. W. K.

Ellen: Seven White Kites
Andy: Snow White Kittens

B. Y. F.

Ellen: Beautiful Yellow Flowers
Andy: Big Yellow Frogs

P. E. N. S.

Ellen: Pretty Elegant New Shoes
Andy: Purple Elephant No Stripes
Andy: Pink Elephant No Socks

Now I am curious to know what you really want!

As for my MOPS group, turns out the lady did want New King Size Bed Sheets!
But what did I go with? Nobody Knows, Somebody Buy Something!

That was fun! Thanks!

The Mice Before Christmas

2011-12-16T16:12:00.000-06:00

Today, Andy and I got to watch the Kindergarten Christmas program at school. Ellie has been talking about it for weeks and singing the songs. It was an exciting day!

Ellie coming in with her class. She was a Reindeer, and had a line in the play, which she had memorized right away. She did a great job saying the words clearly into the microphone. It was a proud moment as a parent.

Nina was a mouse, and she did not have any lines. She did a great job getting herself in the chair all on her own, and her teacher helped her at the end get on the stage for the bow.

After the play, parents went to the classrooms and worked on a little project.

Ellie did fantastic, we were so proud of her at the play performance. In her classroom, seeing her interact with her friends is so much fun. She is friendly, she is kind, and she is so encouraging to her friends.

Nina, on the other hand...see that picture above? She is not smiling, just kind off...sitting. She almost seemed to be in a "trance." Kind of singing, but mostly sitting. Kind of doing the hand actions, but mostly sitting. At some point she was holding her friend's hand instead of following along. We are aware of how she "comes across" and that is hard. Mainly, because we know that what other parents saw today is not who Nina is. Her teachers know that is not who Nina is. Still, this morning she was just...awkward, and I know the awkwardness does not come from her Cerebral Palsy, but rather from her years spent at the orphanage.

Most of the time, I do not notice that my girls are "different." I am used to it, it is normal to me. But then something like the school play comes along and you see just how different your child appears to be compared to the other children. And you know that the way they appear is what creates perceptions. It is not the same to see a typical child up in stage be extremely shy, it is an entire different thing to see a child with an obvious disability and medical equipment do the same. No, what people perceive is not accurate, but still, as a parent of a child with special needs, it can be discouraging.

In her classroom, she was fine; she is comfortable, she can be herself. That was so good to see. She was ready for pictures and smiles and talking to her friends. And the kids in her classroom like her, they really do. I am sure that any parents that saw her in the class realized she was just being very shy, that the sky is her limit, and that she is full of potential. And if they only knew where she came from, if ALL those parents knew what her past was like...they would be impressed. And you know what, they might have realized that her performance might have been the best one of them all...

...and Ellie's too of course!

Live With Us Forever?

2011-12-14T10:14:00.000-06:00

Funny how the mind works. When Nichole was born, some of the first questions I had about her future were things I never really questioned with Ellie.

-Will she ever get married?

-Will she have a job?

-Will she live with us forever?

Nichole brings such joy to our lives, that Andy and I joke about making her sign a contract where she promises to indeed live with us forever. I mean this girl touches our hearts in ways that blow us away! I have found her some nice boys that could make great husbands, and I have promised their moms I will take good care of their boys if our kids do end up falling in love.

If I had known then what I know now...

Life with Nichole is beautiful. I thank God for this little rascal and for Him to entrust her to our family. Even Ellie tells us we don't get Nichole forever, when she is 18 (and you know, she will be a grownup then) she gets her. Ha!

To think we once assumed that her diagnosis of Down syndrome would bring limitations and hardships to our family...Ha! She has instead expanded us! Our hearts, our understanding, and our acceptance. She has brought a measure of love that comes directly from God.

And she is fun! So much fun!

Here is a little glimpse. Nichole loves to make videos of the 2 of us, and this is a video we made a few weeks ago when she finally learned how to kiss!

Nichole also has a thing for imitating Ellie, because she adored her big sister. Anything Ellie does Nichole is sure to follow. Ellie likes to sing with Nichole and they were showing me a song. Pardon the distraction of the camera.

Yes, we are smitten with this rascal, and sometimes even Nina cannot help but give in to Nichole's charm...sometimes. These 2 have a fierce competition going on, sound like sisters?

Linked to:
Women Living Well
Word Filled Wednesdays
Works for me Wednesdays
Winsome Wednesdays
No ordinary Blog Hop
Holy Experince

First Steps Take Courage

2011-12-13T09:34:00.000-06:00

Photo Credit

There was no hesitation, no wobbly steps, no loosing balance. When Ellie began to walk, that is what she did. She walked. She pushed herself to a stand in the middle of the kitchen and walked straight to me. A first that somehow defined precision.

Nichole, on the other hand, had muscle tone to conquer. Low muscle tone is one of the characteristics of Down syndrome, so we knew walking would take a little bit longer. Moreover, a lot of work; with a good measure of determination. Physical therapy became a regular part of our weekly routine. Nichole would dangle from a harness over a treadmill where we worked on walking. We did this for months. At first, she would only walk using a push toy. She was going to walk independently in her own time. Not ours and not her therapists. Her own time.

She was almost 2 years old, and I feared I would miss her first steps. We were heading to Ukraine to adopt our third daughter, and the thought of missing a milestone we had worked so hard to achieve felt devastating. A few weeks before getting on a plane to fly across the globe, Nichole stood; she took 3 wobbly, unbalanced, clumsy steps and fell down on her behind. I jumped, I cheered, I clapped, I cried. She clapped with me, pride exuding from her 23-month-old body. A first that somehow defined triumph.

Now I have a third child. One that makes me long to witness those first steps one more time. Nina’s body, tight from Cerebral Palsy, fights to find balance, coordination, and strength. Her Kindergarten friends run free in the playground, they move around without restrictions. Nina watches. I know she wants to walk. Fear and lack of self-confidence tie her down to her wheelchair. Her walker gives her some independence, but her stamina only lasts so long.

Nina wears resignation around her neck; she does not want to take it off. She spent too long left alone in a crib. Without someone that would believe in her, in her potential. Her first English words were “I can’t!” And my heart breaks for her. The powerful message she received in a cold orphanage in Ukraine continues to whisper in her ear, “You can’t!” Nina believes it. However, I am not giving up on her. I will be her legs if I have to, but I will teach her to use her own. We will cry, we will be frustrated, and we will get tired. But I am not giving up. I am her mother. Some day, she will walk independently. Some day, she will believe that her body can physically do it. It will be an emotional first. A first that somehow will define courage.

Her first steps...

I wrote this essay for my writing class, before Nina started walking consistently. We still have a long ways to go, and we have to constantly remind her that she can do this. But overall, this little girl has taught me more about courage than anyone else has. She is one incredible little girl, and I am lucky, so very lucky, to call her my own!

Linked to:
On your Heart Tuesday
Soli Deo Gloria
Teach Me Tuesdays
No Ordinary Blog Hop

My Daily Walk
We are That Family
Women Living Well

Responding to Your Comments #3

2011-12-11T16:55:00.000-06:00

Blog Post: Initial Me a Gift

I will answer these on a separate blog post. If you have not left your initials, go ahead and play the game! If you cannot think of a gift with the initials I left, you can always just give me yours! You have no idea what I am talking about? Read the rules to the game!

Blog Post: What About Halloween?

Thank you all for your responses regarding Christians celebrating Halloween. Here are some of your thoughts, they speak for themselves...

My question is: What is the purpose of Halloween? Christmas used to be a pagan holiday but it has been redeemed by commemorating Jesus' birth. We can choose to emphasize the pagan side or the Christian side. Sometimes we go overboard on one side or the other but basically, we have a good reason to celebrate Christmas. Halloween, on the other hand has never been redeemed by Christian overtones. I have no problem with people trick or treating (although I do have a problem with all the candy!...:-) ) and the costumes (but I hate the horror emphasis). Each family has to decide what to promote and what to avoid.

I think evil is around us every day of the year and trying to attack us constantly, it is not a one day thing. So we should not worry too much about halloween, we should worry about how our relationship with God is, every day, every moment, so Evil doesn't take part of our lives.

Well we weren't Christians when we started having kids so we celebrated Halloween. Once we became Christians we continued to trick or treat because I didn't want my kids to associate becoming a Christian with taking their fun away. We have done lots of "Fall Festivals" at various churches and had a blast. We've also done trick or treating through the neighborhood. We have lots of good discussion about what is appropriate at Halloween and what isn't (costume choice, etc.) and we have a good time.

As a child, I always went trick or treating and I was raised in a Christian home. I see nothing wrong with a little harmless fun, but there is a lot of evil surrounding Halloween and a lot of evil things happen on that night. But then again, evil is around us and we can't "hole up" and not be a light to the world.

I went to Catholic school and we had the costumes, parades, and parties...and we also celebrate All Souls Day with mass.

You know, this actually surprised me!

Blog Post: A Hope and a Future (A Recycled Post)

We all have moments when we need to stop and think about what we have instead of focusing on what we do not.

Yes, we do! Why is it that all too often we focus on what we do not have?

Thank you all for your kind comments and your encouraging worlds on this post!

Blog Post: Christmas, Presents, Lights and All that Matters

I loved the comments, but you all left me wondering if you have posted about your favorite Christmas traditions or your favorite "things" about Christmas. So, if you have written about your Christmas traditions or moments, share your link!

Blog Post: Different Dream Parenting

Thank you for sharing your favorite books on special needs!

Blog Post: The 5th Season

I love the thought of Christmas as a 5th season! My daughter and I were just writing a song - a variation of The 12 Days of Christmas - and talking about how things like snowmen and sledding aren't really Christmas things. They are more like winter things.

Please do share the song!

And to "TheRogers" send me an e-mail, I would love to connect!

Blog Post: CP Connection #1

Make sure you keep checking this post! I decided to leave it open until CP connection #2 on January 1st. There are are a few new linked blogs so don't miss those!

Blog Post: Why Moms Need Friends

This is so true. It is good to take stock of the best times to get together for different friends so you can be intentional about catching up. Some of my friends it is best to do lunch together (either at home or out), others to do a cuppa at their place and others to go out for dessert once the kids are in bed. Once we start to accept that it is okay to have a playdate their are many different times and places for it to happen.
Thanks for the reminder - encouragement to make a playdate!

Great thoughts! I had to share :)

Anonymous said...: That cake looks really good, who serves that? Here is the answer to this comment...Click Here

Blog Post: Responding to Your Comments #2

Do you speak Spanish with your daughters? Just curious :-) I'm kind of interested in bilingualism and even studied some while at university.

Great question! When Ellie was little I did speak to her in Spanish. She had a pretty good vocabulary and understanding of simple things. She could name all her body parts, and knew the questions to what is your name, how old are you, and how are you. Basic stuff. When Nichole was born, I knew that speech would be an issue (because of her having Down syndrome) so I began to focus on sign language and English. I really stopped with any Spanish at all. Now, you have to remember, my husband does not speak Spanish, we do not live close to my family, and we really did not interact with anyone else that spoke Spanish. English really has become my first language, so speaking Spanish to my girls feels forced since I never really did it. Would I like for them to be bilingual? Absolutely! But more than anything I want Nichole to speak and be understood, that is my priority right now. And honestly, I don't know how to do both at this time. People giving me a hard time about it (si, ustedes familia, pero ni siquiera leen mi blog, asi que no me den lata!) doesn't help, I do a lot for my girls, we work really hard on so many other things, Spanish, right now, is in the back burner. But yes, I do hope that all 3 of them eventually speak Spanish!

Blog Post: Down Syndrome and Abortion

What a wonderful article! Several times a week I walk out of a store, or public place and ask myself, "Who are these 90+%?? Where are they??" I ask it because everywhere I go with my little girls (ages 3, 3 & 2, all with Ds - adopted from Ukraine with the help of Reece's Rainbow ;) they are met with smiles, sweet comments and downright adoration. From men and women. It makes it hard to get my shopping done, honestly. I'm not saying the 90+% aren't out there, it just seems like the vast majority of people who see my daughters, fall in love with them. And I admit, when I see a pregnant woman, I go out of my way to make sure and walk down her grocery aisle with the girls ;)I want the whole world to see what life with a child with Down syndrome is really like. If it were so scary, would I have THREE?? ;) They are the light of our life!! That being said, I never had a prenatal dx of Ds, so I really appreciate your candor in describing your personal experience, your fears and grief. Not having been in your shoes, I'm afraid I may not have been as understanding or compassionate as I should. I chose to parent children with Down syndrome, and didn't honestly understand how a mom could be sad about it. I appreciate the much-needed perspective.

You know, I see more and more people like your family that chose to adopt children with Down syndrome without having biological children with Ds. I love it! Yes, I do think the journey is a little bit different, and your perspective is absolutely beautiful! So for all of you that do not have kids with Down syndrome...you are missing out!

Blog Post: How Did You Find Us?

It was two years ago in Ukraine airport when God sent to me you Ellen and your daughter Nina.When I could not speak English yet and you did not speak Ukrainian but God sent to us man who was translator.I am thankful God that He brought us together that I met so beautiful women like you and I got a lots lessons from you.During this two years I can not forget you and sweet little girl Nina.Now I am very glad I can know more about you and your family.May God provides all your needs according His will.
This lady right here was our angel! It has been a rare treat to continue to be in touch with her! Let me tell you, God takes care of us through other people, and this lady is proof of that! I prayed for God to send me an angel, that I could not do it on my own, and it was this woman who quickly turned to me and helped me out...for 2 days! We are so thankful for you S!

Initial Me a Gift...Let's Be Creative...A Game!

2011-12-10T20:07:00.000-06:00

Photo Credit

Have you ever heard of "Initial Me a Gift"? My MOPS group does this every year and it sounds like it is a very fun gift exchange.

This is how it works:

On a piece of paper, you write down the initials of what you want the most for Christmas. So for example, maybe I want a diamond ring. So I write the initials: D.R.

Jane gets my name, so all she knows is that I want something with the initials D.R.

Jane gets creative, and thinks that maybe I want a Dirty Rug, or a Delicious Raisin, or a Damp Rag.

You get the picture, you get creative and make it fun. The only rule is that you cannot spend more than $10

Help me out here, I need to get creative!

These are my initials: N. K. S. B. S.

Andy is creative this way, and this is what he came up with:

-New King Size Bed Sheets

-New Kitchen Spoon By Stewart (because we all love Martha's kitchen trinkets)

-New Knife Super Big Size

So, what can you come up with? help me out here! I need some fun ideas for my initials!

And to make it even more fun, even if you cannot come up with something for my initials, why don't you tell me... what are your initials?

Linked to:
Messy Monday

Winner of "Different Dream Parenting"

2011-12-10T15:39:00.000-06:00

I used random.org to select the winner of the book. There were 13 comments.

suebarber...you win!

I just need your e-mail so that I can get your address and send you the book.

I want to thank all of you that left a comment and shared your favorite books on special needs. I am really excited to read those and to keep learning, and to be inspired, by others that walk this same journey.

While having children with special needs can be hard, there are so many blessings we get to experience. I have seen shades of color I never knew were possible, and I would not want to do life any other way!

Next week, I will have another give-away, so check in because it is inspired by my daughter who has Cerebral Palsy...and walks on her toes...but any little girl might love it!

Oh the Season to be Sick!

2011-12-09T11:44:00.000-06:00

Let it be known, that winter in my home is usually defined by sinus infections. We all get them, but Nichole wins the prize hands down for the most, and worst sinus infections! At the beginning of the year, her sinus infection turned into periorbital cellulitis, so when she gets one, I don't mess around! And not that I ever overreact or anything close to that! Ha! In all seriousness though, I don't ever mess with Nichole's health. Little colds turn into big colds. Little coughs turn into croup.

Before Thanksgiving, Nichole had a sinus infection, so she was on antibiotics. She got better, but not without sharing with her sisters. Ellie has been fighting this for 3 weeks, so yesterday, she got antibiotics (the first of the year, not bad huh?) Nichole had been just fine. Well, this morning she had a runny nose, and eventually I got a call from school. She was lethargic, watery eyes, and a fever.

I picked her up at school.

Nichole: Mommy. Scawy! (makes sign for scary)
Mom: You are sick and it is scary?
Nichole: (Points at head) Scawy! (makes sign for scary) Sick! (makes sign for sick, changes fingers and signs scary again) Scawy!

School uses a forehead thermometer. Nichole and thermometers...well...they don't go together.

Mom: It was scary huh? Let's go home.
Nichole: Yes! Daddy!

And I think that made her feel all better...until we went to see the doctor. On the bright side, she is the sweetest thing every time we leave as she waves goodbye to the nurses. The sweetest thing.

At home, however, we are stuck with a bear! A sick bear!

What About Halloween?

2011-12-08T14:52:00.000-06:00

I know, it is almost Christmas, so why would I bring up Halloween? This is old news!

A couple of days ago I wrote the blog post, "Christmas, Presents, Lights and All That Matters." Where I highlighted my favorite Christmas traditions and why they are meaningful to me. If you read that post, you will remember I mentioned that for a year I struggled with the Christmas tree and refused to have one because of some of the history that surrounds the Christmas tree (and really, the day we celebrate Jesus' birth). As I wrote that, Halloween came to mind---but I put it off my mind, and continued on with my Christmas theme.

To my surprise, one of the comments mentioned Halloween, and a friend of mine e-mailed me and asked for my thoughts on Halloween. Obviously, I am not the only Christian that has questioned the celebration of Halloween.

I will start by saying, that I am not sure how I feel about Halloween. With the girls in school, I knew I had to make a choice, at least for this year.This was the first year we did trick or treating, every year before now I avoided it!

I do believe that evil takes place during Halloween. I know that there are groups that celebrate this day as a spiritual holiday. We are told, in scripture, that our battle in this world takes part in the spiritual realm: there is good and there is evil, there are angels and there are demons. There is something very dark about this day. Just a search on google and you will see what I am talking about. Form that standpoint, I want nothing to do with Halloween, absolutely nothing!

So what about trick and treating or dressing up? Is it just a fun tradition that has nothing to do, and is separated from the "dark side"?

There are many churches that provide "Harvest Parties" and "Trunk and Treat" gatherings as an alternative for children. This is where I ask, alternative to what? Alternative to going from house to house asking for candy? An alternative to "not participate" in Halloween? Ultimately, isn't that also a way of participating in that day? So, is a church sponsored event that happens on Halloween different from having fun with your neighbors asking for candy? it makes no sense to me!

This year, our girls really wanted to go trick or treating. I had to ask myself, would there be any way in which our actions could be interpreted as evil? No. Do I think there are scary costumes that represent evil? Yes, absolutely, we stay away from those. In fact, there were a couple of houses that we skipped altogether because, well, they were scary.

The girls came home excited, and we really did have a wonderful family time. It was fun to see our neighbors and meet some other kids in our neighborhood and their families. It really was an innocent tradition.

So I would love to hear from you. What do you think about Halloween? Do you think it is all bad? Do you participate? Do you do church activities on that day? How did you come up with this decision?

Linked to:
Thought Provoking Thursday
Proverbs 31
Reflections of His Grace
Sister to Sister

A Hope and a Future (A Recycled Post)

2011-12-07T17:23:00.000-06:00

This story took place 2 years ago on Christmas day. I thought it would be nice to recycle this post and remember...

I sat up in bed and took a deep breath. The air cold and stale from the scent of vanilla air freshener, mixed with the cigarette smoke that oozed from the walls of the black and white one-room apartment. The dark brown curtains tried to conceal the light, yet the morning sun had managed to send a few gray rays to sneak around the folds of the heavy curtain.

A little girl pulled on my sleeve and made the sign “eat,” followed by a string of Ukrainian words. Then in English, she managed to say, “Banana.” It amazed me how for Nina the thought of food was enough to brighten her day, while all I could think of was that it had been six weeks since I had been home, and today would be an especially hard day. It was Christmas.

I carried Nina across the room and set her on the black leather couch that functioned as the living room. I pulled a black coffee table close to her, hence turning the living room into the dining room. Thankfully, there was a DVD player and I had brought some DVDs from home. I played “Signing Time!” for Nina often. She loved the music and I hoped that more signs would stick with her besides the sign for “eat” so that we could improve our communication.

While Nina watched the show, I proceeded to get breakfast ready for her: chamomile tea, dry cheerios and a banana. I set all three items on the small black table and she smiled. I knew we would do this again at least two more times that day. It was always the same, the only things I could get her to eat were bananas and dry cheerios. At least she was willing to drink different flavors of tea.

Once she was settled I turned on my computer ready to check my e-mail messages, it helped me to feel connected to my home. Nevertheless, there were few messages that morning. I realized I was angry that everyone else was happy enjoying their families, while I was stuck half way across the ocean. I settled to find Christmas music on-line and searched for Amy Grant’s rendition of “I Will Be Home for Christmas.” I wanted to sing along, especially the line, “I will be home for Christmas, but only in my dreams.”

After my little outburst of bitterness, I decided I needed to lighten up my mood and find a little Christmas cheer. I plugged in our tiny Christmas tree that was no taller than my forearm. The cleaning lady had brought it for us just two days before. I found a Christmas playlist on-line, and I cranked up the volume.

I sang and danced in the middle of the room while Nina watched intently. Then I scooped her up in my arms, weighing less than my two year old, yet twice her age. We danced and twirled to the music. It was a great ball to which we could wear our pajamas. The lights of the Christmas tree giving the perfect colorful glow to the small room.

However, Nina had lived most of her life with little attention, and after just a few songs, she was done with me, done celebrating Christmas. I set her on the white and black checkered floor and she crawled to the corner where she had a few toys. I knew she would be in her own world until she was ready to eat again.

I sulked the rest of the morning. I was engrossed in my own pity party and the little girl playing at my feet was oblivious as to how I felt. I began questioning if it was worth it. The adoption journey had me emotionally drained and it seemed as if Nina couldn’t have cared less about me. Moreover, back home, I had a husband who missed me and two little girls that cried for their mommy and could not wait to see her again. Every day being away from home was getting harder.

As I caressed my wounded thoughts, I looked over and watched Nina play with a box of crayons. She was dumping them out and then putting them neatly back in the box. For a second she looked back at me, made eye contact and smiled while waving the box. Then she continued with her activity, absorbed in her world. Yet, she had given me a glimpse and acknowledged me, if only for a second.

As simple as that moment was, it was the moment where my Christmas miracle happened. My eyes were opened to the beauty of the scene that took place before my eyes. I was not simply looking at a once orphan girl; I was looking at my child.

The journey of adoption had pushed us against a race of time trying to get our documents ready to get Nina. We had until her fourth birthday to rescue her, all because she had Cerebral Palsy. We knew that in her country she would die if we did not bring her home before that dreaded age where children with special needs are taken from their orphanages and sent to mental institutions. These are places where there is no hope and no future. The possibility of adoption is gone and most children die within a year after being tied down to cribs with little food and no medical intervention.

On that Christmas morning, I had chosen to be depressed wishing for what I did not have. Thankfully, I was reminded of what a wonderful day it was and how much I had to celebrate. I had a new daughter.

The little girl sitting by my feet would never have to go to an institution. She would never again know hunger or abuse. Nina had a family, with a mommy and daddy and two sisters. Her disability would not stop her, but rather she would be able to overcome her limitations with a family standing strong behind her, cheering her on. She would go to school, learn to read and write. There was so much in store for her and her life was full of potential. Nina had a hope and a future.

There were many sacrifices we had to make in order to rescue her and bring her home. Was it worth it? Absolutely!

“Nina” I called. She stopped playing and looked at me again. “Merry Christmas sweetheart” I said.

She didn’t understand what I was saying, so I did the best I could do at the time to show her love. I poured her a cup of more chamomile tea… with an extra spoonful of sugar.

Linked to:
Women Living Well
Word Filled Wednesday
Works For Me Wednesday
Winsome Wednesday
No Ordinary Blog Hop

Christmas, Presents, Lights, and All that Matters

2011-12-06T14:55:00.000-06:00

This year, Christmas has become a 5^th Season. A visitor during winter that is not defined by cold, ice, gray, or short days--- but rather, a season of “warmth,” colors, lights, ribbons, peppermint mochas, and family.

I have heard the concerns--- the reason to celebrate Christmas is Christ; forget the presents, the decorations, the music, or the lights. Let’s have a birthday party for Jesus and go against the consumer frenzy that this celebration has become. I like the idea of having a birthday party for Jesus to teach children about the One we celebrate at Christmas, although He was not born on December 25. I get it, I understand, and I agree with the fact that this time should be a time where we pause and are awed, moved, and transformed by the fact that God became man. However, I find great enjoyment as I participate in all the other traditions, which I do believe to be traditions only, and not a religious observance. However, I find some of these quite meaningful.

1. Christmas Trees and Ornaments

There was a time when I was against Christmas trees. No really, I refused to put up a Christmas tree one year convinced that it was an evil pagan celebration. However, even before that conviction, I was not burning the tree, worshiping the tree, or bringing it into my home as a sign of fertility. I will not tell you that I think about the tree as a symbol of life in Christ, although it is true that we have life through Him. No, to me, the tree is just a traditional decoration. The reason I like it, however, are the ornaments. I don’t know about your ornaments or your tree, but the ones on my tree tell a story. There are the ornaments that Ellie has made--- painted ceramic with its colors bleeding into each other--- little hands that were learning to paint. There is the ornament that Nina got on her first Christmas, when she finally had a family and was an orphan no more. There are the Ukrainian ornaments that speak so intimately about our adoption journey and our time in Ukraine. And there are the ornaments my grandmother gave to me as a wedding present---a little piece left from my Mexican homeland and family---the same wooden stars and wooden horses that I held in my hands as a child as I helped my grandmother decorate her tree. Every ornament brings with it a flash of memories, and a prayer of thankfulness for God’s provision and presence in my life.

2. Lights

I love lights, inside and outside of homes. Lights that wrap around a Christmas tree, highlighting the ornaments, highlighting the blessings and the goodness that God has shined throughout my life. I am reminded that Jesus is the light of the world, who stepped down into darkness and opened my eyes. As I drive around and lights shine in people’s homes, I pray for them. I pray that they will know the light of the world, that they will know Jesus.

3. Presents

God gives good gifts. He has given me many. Material things will never compare to the gift of life He gives us. However, for me, presents are a tangible way in which I can show the people I love that I appreciate them, and that I am thankful they are part of my life. It is also wonderful time to teach my girls that a giving heart is indeed a gift to God. What can we give to bless others?

4. Music

I find Christmas music to be moving. It is through these songs that I reflect on the enormity of God becoming man. A God, so big, humbling Himself to walk among us, to be one of us. What a great God I serve!

5. Scents

The scent of candles, cinnamon, evergreen, and peppermint are simply enjoyable. Ellie, my oldest, has a heightened sense of smell. To watch her breathing in those scents always brings a smile to my face.

6. Food

The abundance of food, again, reminds me of God’s provision. A pastor’s family in a small church, we are not a picture of wealth. Yet, we have never lacked anything at all. All our needs have been provided, and as we feast during Christmas, we are reminded that God has given to us in plenty, and for that reason we give and we share.

7. Family

Our family is spread far and wide, across States and across countries. It is during Christmas that we gather and spend time together. Often times, our memories are from the moments that we share during Christmas.

8. Nativities

I rarely think of Jesus as a baby. Quite honestly, it is hard for me to grasp and understand how a little baby was indeed the Savior of this world. Yet, He was. His entrance into this world was meek yet majestic at the same time. Meek, as his birth took place in a manger. Majestic, as a choir of angels appeared declaring that the Savior was born and a bright star led the way. That must have been a sight to see! Those shepherds surely witnessed a choir like no other!

9. Mary

I often think about Mary during Christmas. Therefore, it will be of no surprise to you that my favorite songs are “Mary Did You Know, “ and “Breath of Heaven.” I simply cannot imagine to be the one chosen. I do wonder if she ever had second thoughts about her qualifications, if she felt inadequate. As a mother, I can somehow relate to Mary, and the enormity of the great honor she was given.

10. Jesus

John 1:14 says “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

All I want is Jesus, all I need is Him. And it is my prayer, that in this season, you will know Him too. That your heart will become His dwelling place, bringing you life, life to the full.

Linked to:

Teach Me Tuesdays

Soli Deo Gloria

On your Heart Tuesdays

Titus Tuesday

Top Ten
No Ordinary Blog Hop

Different Dream Parenting: Giveaway!

2011-12-05T14:31:00.000-06:00

Let me start by saying, that if you have a child with special needs, this is the book for you! Really! Jolene Philo has given all of us---parents of kids with special needs---an incredible gift through her book. Packed with resources, stories, encouragement, and prayers, this is a book that will bring you hope as you journey in the world of special needs, along with guides to IEP's, services, insurance issues, and everything else that parents of kids with special needs ever have to face!

When I got Jolene's book in the mail, I got a treasure! And I want to share that treasure with you! It is Christmas, so I want you to have the opportunity to have this book as a Christmas present from me! All you have to do is leave me a comment here, and tell me what is the best book on special needs that you have read! I will announce the winner on Saturday!

Besides, our family got to be a part of this book! You will get to hear about Nina and Nichole in these pages. I have had the pleasure of meeting Jolene in person and she is a lovely woman of God.

With that, I leave you with Jolene's words to you:

When our beautiful newborn boy was transferred to a regional hospital, my husband and I felt lost at sea. A few hours later, we learned that our baby required immediate surgery at a university hospital 750 miles away. Without it, he would die. That news threw us overboard. We longed for someone who could come alongside and pull us out of the water. A book to chart a map through unfamiliar waters and assure us of God’s presence.

But our son was born in 1982 when pediatric medicine was a relatively new field. Families like ours were hard to find. Parenting books hadn’t been written. The internet didn’t exist. Over the next twenty years, even after the surgeries and medical procedures that corrected our son’s condition were over, my search for parenting resources yielded scant results. Eventually, I sensed God nudging me to come alongside young parents lost at sea like we had been, to create a map they could follow.

Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs is that map. It’s a map for parents of kids living with medical special needs as well as conditions like Down Syndrome, juvenile diabetes, developmental delays, and autism, and those facing a terminal diagnosis. It guides parents by providing tools and resources they need to become effective advocates for their kids.

The book features interviews, advice, and resources from more than fifty families and two dozen professionals. With their help, the book addresses the situations parents face every day. Things I wish someone had told me, like:

• Asking questions after diagnosis.

• Dealing with insurance companies.

• Preparing a child for a hospital stay.

• Accessing financial resources and government monies.

• Accessing special education services.

• Determining optimum level of care.

• Mobilizing volunteers at home.

• Supporting the sibs.

• Preparing a child for death.

• Planning a funeral.

• Participating in community and church events.

• Creating a special needs trust for adult children with special needs.

In addition to practical advice, Different Dream Parenting tackles spiritual questions families are often afraid to ask. Questions about:

• God’s sovereignty

• Parental guilt

• Setting and maintaining spiritual priorities

• Grieving for children living with special needs

• Grieving the death of a child

• Passing faith on to children with special needs

Thirty day prayer guides in the appendices are for parents too exhausted to form their own prayers.

I remember what it’s like to be lost at sea, thrown overboard by an unexpected diagnosis, and drowning under a flood of caregiving demands. My goal is to put Different Dream Parenting into the hands of floundering parents so they have a map and know they’re not alone. To order the book, visit www.DifferentDream.com and click on the “buy the book” tab.

Thanks, Ellen, for this opportunity to guest blog at the Stumbo Family Story website and tell people about Different Dream Parenting.

The contest is now closed, but I would still love to hear about your favorite books on special needs!

Book Review: This Little Prayer of Mine

2011-12-04T21:41:00.000-06:00

This Little Prayer of Mine by Anthony DeStefano was a winner at my home! The innocent prayer of a child, as they ask for God to make them brave, to comfort them when they get hurt, to give them wisdom, to obey, and thank Him for their blessings.

The illustrations in this book are beautiful. My 3 girls were captivated by the pictures, and mesmerized with the words.

"Did you like this book?" I asked my girls. There was a resounding "Yes."

The book talks about God's love, however, in the last page, the children ask again, as most important of all, "Please love me God, forever more." A sentence I did not feel matched the tone of the book, describing God as caring, present, and loving. God is love, and we do not need to ask for His love. Yet, would a child, in his or her understanding ask for God's love?Maybe. I say this as a disclaimer, for some people may have a problem with the last line. It is, however, a great opportunity to talk to kids about God unconditional, unending, and "forever more" love. He gives it, without us asking for it, even though we do not deserve it.

You can read more details and praise for the book here.

I received this book for free by WaterbrookMultnomah Publishers in exchange for my honest review.

The 5th Season

2011-12-03T11:43:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Andy mentioned that Christmas feels like a 5th season. It happens during Winter, yet, it has a "feel" of its own. The feel of lights, peppermint mocha, music, baked goodies, warmth, family, love, and your life's blessings as they dance before you in moments so simple, as putting up the Christmas tree.

As we set up the Christmas tree last night with the girls, we felt overwhelmed by God's love and provision. After 2 years of transition for our family, our house brimmed with joy and love. It was impossible not to recount the ways in which the Lord has been with our family. "I am the luckiest man alive" Andy said. His statement was so powerful to me that it brought tears to my eyes as I watched my family smiling, dancing, singing, and even the rascal complaining there was no Barbie movie playing. Surely the Lord has been good to us. So good.

Christmas, to us, will from now on be a 5th season. We will count our blessings and be thankful to the One that came to us, so that we could have life, and have it to the full. We will bask in His love, that has been poured to us, and we will give Him all the glory, for the richness we have in this life have come from His hands.

This wreath was made by yours truly. It was inspired by my friend Natalie.

Linked to: No Ordinary Blog Hop and Messy Mondays

Conversation With the Husband

2011-12-02T10:09:00.000-06:00

Andy is sitting in the living room, watching sports, playing some bird game on the iPad. I am walking around, maybe picking up the house, maybe not, I am not telling.

Andy: I saw you blogged about your night at Applebees with your MOPS friends.
Ellen: Wow! You actually read my blog?
Andy: Sure!
Ellen: You know what would be nice. If you read my blog, you could leave me a comment!
Andy: Do you ever read your comments?
Ellen: Of course I do! I read every single one of them!

At this point, I have left the living room and I am walking towards our room. I hear Andy's voice calling.

Andy: Yeah, what about than anonymous comment that said the cake was really good and asked who serves that.
Ellen: Google images does!

I make it to the doorway in our room, and I have that "Aha!" moment. I spin on my heel and march straight back at Andy, stand in front of him, one hand on my hip, one hand pointing at his face!

Ellen: You!
Andy: (laughing)
Ellen: That was you!
Andy: (laughing)
Ellen: (laughing)
Andy: At least you thought it was funny!
Ellen: At least you left a comment!
Andy: (more laughing)
Ellen: (more laughing, shaking my head)

So here you go honey, served by google images, not only a slice, but an entire cake!

(minus the one tasty slice)

CP Connection #1

2011-12-01T01:26:00.000-06:00

We load up the girls in the van, then I fold Nina’s walker while Andy folds her “pixie-dust” blue wheelchair. Once we are all packed in the vehicle, Andy reaches for the glove compartment to make sure we have the handicap tag.

“I never thought I would be one of those parents.” He says looking through the rearview mirror as we back up the driveway.

“What do you mean?” I ask puzzled.

“You know, the parent that has a wheelchair in the trunk and the kid with a disability…Two kids with a disability!”

“Ha! Yeah, me neither.”

“Now it is just part of life.” He adds.

“I cannot even imagine what our life would be like if we were…normal!”

We laugh. We have come a long way as we learn to do life with special needs. Down syndrome has been enjoyable, almost easy compared to Cerebral Palsy. The equipment and physical strength can take a toll on our bodies sometimes. The simple tasks now mastered by Nichole, who has Down syndrome, are difficult still for Nina, who has Cerebral Palsy and is 5 years old.

Two years ago, when Nina joined our family through international adoption, all we knew about Cerebral Palsy came from books. We thought we were ready, prepared to tackle her special needs. Yet, actually parenting a child with Cerebral Palsy is not something you learn in a book, it is something you do. For example, I knew all the stretches I needed to do with her, but finding enough time became a challenge, along with the reality of the painful experience stretching is, and how against it Nina would be.

Spastic Diplegia were words I did not have in my vocabulary before I had Nina. Now, those words feel so intimate, so personal. I care about what color Nina’s forearms crutches will be. I push for her to take some independent steps, and try not to be frustrated when she gives up. But we keep working at it, we press on.

No, we never thought we would be one of “those parents.” Although it can be hard, it can be so good! The celebration of milestones cannot be compared. The pride of seeing your child achieve something they have worked so hard on is joyfully intoxicating.

And we like being one of “those parents.” The flashes of color we experience because of our girls are better than being "normal." We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now it is your turn, if you blog about Cerebral Palsy, link up!

But don't forget to copy the "CP Connection" button and add it to your blog post!

You can read more about the linking on this post.

Calling All Cerebral Palsy Bloggers!

2011-11-30T13:56:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the day we will all link up and connect with one another. I shared before that it has been in my heart to create a "Cerebral Palsy Connection" or community. This connection will allow us to support, encourage, and learn from each other.

So here is the scoop...

1. Write a blog post that relates in some way to Cerebral Palsy. Not sure what you should write about? Here are some ideas.

Introduce yourself, or your child. What type of Cerebral Palsy do you/your child have?
What was it like to recieve your child's diagnosis?
If you are an adult, what advice would you give to us moms?
What has helped the most in this journey? Therapy? Surgery? Emotional support?
What has been your biggest challenge?

2. Once you have your blog post finished, make sure to include this image at the bottom of your post.

All you have to do is copy the code (the code is all the "writing" in the box underneath the image) and then paste the code into the body of the post.

3. Publish your post and come back here. You will see a blog post titled "CP Connection #1." At the bottom of that post, you will see a "Simply Linked" widget. It will ask for 3 things.

Link Title: This is where you post the title of your blog post.
E-mail address. It will not be displayed!
URL: Here is where you post the link to your blog post. Be sure you are linking to the specific post, and not to your general blog.

Submit your link and you should see it appear in the widget.

4. Once you are linked, take the time and visit the other blogs. Make sure you leave a comment too, so they know you stopped by and visited.

There are so many adults with Cerebral Palsy out there that have much to share with us moms, I value their insight tremendously. These adults help me understand what Cerebral Palsy might look like for us in the future, and how much Nina will be able to accomplish. They inspire me, really. And as moms, it is nice to hear what other moms deal with. It is nice to know someone else "gets it" and understands our challenges and struggles. Some of my closest friends are those that have children with special needs, we just have a special connection.

Spread the word, and I cannot wait to visit all your wonderful blogs together so that we can connect and learn from each other!

Why Moms Need Friends

2011-11-29T13:37:00.000-06:00

Moving to a new town and having no friends can be pretty lonely. At the beginning of the school year, I joined a MOPS group because I desperately needed friends that are at the same stage in life I am in. Last night, I hung out with some of these new friends from my MOPS group. Time flew by. A little get-together that meant so much.

So in “top 10” style, I will tell you why moms need friends.

1. Because loneliness among moms is too common, and it doesn’t need to be that way.

2. Because it is nice to know that other moms make ramen noodles for lunch too, are lucky to get a shower before noon, and that ponytails are in style.

3. Because we like play-dates just as much as our kids do.

4. Because we need adult conversation where we don’t have to ask, “Do you need to go poopy?”

5. Because our husbands cannot provide the chatter that comes along with “woman territory.”

6. Because you can indulge in tasty treats when you are together and not feel guilty for the calories you consume since “everyone else is doing it.”

7. Because it is nice to have someone understand how exhausting it is to care for little people, while at the same time, it is a precious time in life that only lasts so long

8. Because we need heart to heart connections with other people that get it.

9. Because we want to be known, and accepted, regardless of our flaws.

10. Because God created us as relational beings, we are not meant to do life alone.